Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My debate with myself

So, I am a rollergirl, and have been now for a while and it is absolutely AWESOME! I'm one of the top jammers on my team, one of the fastest, and I usually do fantastic during practices, BUT(and this is a really big but) I get so nervous before our bouts (aka games), I usually throw up and get sick in many other ways in which I am not discussing nor going into detail about, get incredibly shaky, and usually cry a lot and can't breathe.
Why? you ask. The answer is really UNKNOWN. I have been trying to figure it for the past six months I've been playing this sport.
Is it the contact? Is it the intense skating? or IS IT THE 93845938475983745 PEOPLE WATCHING!?
I really don't know but I'm having a HUGE dilemma, and maybe this is where, you, my blog readers can come in handy and give a desperate girl some advice, or maybe even tell me what YOU would do in this situation.

I really enjoy every aspect of this sport, but I'm beginning to think this sport isn't my cup of tea no matter how much I wish it was. We have three weeks until our next bout and here I am, already getting nervous sweats, and my stomach is getting all fluttery.
I really hate to leave the team, and leave the sport entirely but I'm afraid I can't go on getting myself so worked up about the bouts, nor do I suppose it's healthy?

ALSO, I am a full time, dedicated student. As many of you know, roller derby is a serious commitment since it involves not only practices but fundraisers about every weekend, as well as community events, advertisement events, and charity give-aways. I'd say I'm doing something derby related about 5-6 times a week. Last semester, I was at practices til 11:30 pm while I had classes at 7 am. I was mentally and physically exhausted and my grades *ahem* showed how exhausted I was. I ABSOLUTELY can NOT afford to get any more bad grades. School starts at just the end of august, and thats when one of our big bout is....

what do you guys think? what would YOU do? please comment and tell me to stop being a big cry baby and just get over my crazy self! or totally opposite.

should I give up my spot on the team and let everyone down?
or should I just completely suck it up and deal with my intense "derby fright" I get every time?


  1. sounds like you get anxiety pretty bad,I suffer from it too.

  2. yeah, and what's so weird is I was in drama through high school, as well as debate, and I never had anxiety. Maybe it's because it's such a full contact, physical sport, while drama and debate were mental. ahhhh idk? it makes me sick though! and now I'm just sitting here going back and forth wondering if I should just come out and tell them I can't bout any more, or if I should just stick it out?